Back when I was a child, I was absolutely certain that I was destined for greatness. As you can see from the photo, I prepared myself for that life by not only fashioning a gown out of old, pink curtains, but by adding the cape. I was going to have a life full of capes. It was obvious.

I can’t tell you how old I am in the photo. I’m guessing I was probably 11 or 12 based on the tan lines. Short for my age (as I still am), I think I wore the curtains with a kind of regal ease. I was going somewhere. I wasn’t entirely sure where, of course, but the world would take notice. One day.

That day is taking its sweet time getting here. I mean, I can’t even remember the last time I swirled a good cape around. Pffffft. Unacceptable.