A wonderful friend of mine is undertaking the unenviable task of redecorating my apartment. This is extremely brave of her for a multitude of reasons (and I’m not just saying that because she had to sit down and put her head by her knees after being overwhelmed by the enormity of it all). She may have her work cut out for her.

1. I change my apartment around every six weeks or so.  It’s true that if I actually liked the place, and it was functional, I might not be constantly searching for the right configuration of furniture that will give life meaning. Or I’ll just re-do everything we do in about six weeks or so. If it’s not illegal, we should begin placing bets on the site as to which option wins.

2. I have very little money for anything other than necessities. This isn’t a huge impediment because I am in possession of the greatest gift a girl could have: gift cards! Also, I’m willing to give up food for a functional space. Those of you who know me well know that I once voted to get an in-unit washer/dryer before I bought a full refrigerator (I was, ultimately, out-voted because, apparently, men like food more than laundry).

3. I have a lot of stuff. When I moved to Los Angeles, I went from a three bedroom home into a small, single room apartment. I was so frustrated before I left that I just started throwing stuff in boxes and assumed I’d work it out later. Welcome to later! I have pieces that still have moving stickers on them. This is largely because if I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. God bless closets. I’ve been informed that this is not a viable organization method. Thank goodness I’m already getting together with friends for a yard sale in a couple of weeks.

4. I have a lot of books. I understand that this is technically a subset of #3, but it really deserves its own category. My fantasy home has a library. I’ve given absolutely no thought to whether or not it has a kitchen, but it has a library.  I’m fully aware that I can get e-readers so that my space is not cluttered. I have done that on occasion. If I traveled more, it would probably be incorporated into my routine. But there is still something magical to me about an actual book. Remember spending hours browsing shelves of your local bookstore? Downloading just doesn’t have the same appeal. Of course, as I am almost out of bookshelf space AGAIN, it might end up being more practical.

5. I’m stubborn. But she knows this about me and is friends with me anyway, so she might still be when this process is completed. Now, if I move two weeks after it’s completed, she might be tempted to stab me in  my sleep. Reasonable.

6. My bedroom is more functional as a storage unit than a bedroom. If I don’t have a place for it in the main room, it gets hidden away in the bedroom. I’ve always figured that since it’s just me in there, it doesn’t matter. Apparently, it does matter. I’m not really a girlie-girl, so I don’t have tons of pillows and frilly stuff anyway, but I can see the wisdom of being able to access the bed without first scaling an obstacle course.

I’m prepared to be flexible. I’m prepared to do a lot of painting. I’m even prepared to persuade friends to help me with the promise of alcohol, or that food thing that people seem so attached to these days.  I just hope I don’t have to give up this:

Because really… if your home doesn’t serve as a warning to others, what good is it?